Manager vs. Teacher

Ok, so I figure that the family blog has gotten more than enough of my ambivalence about homeschooling vs. public schooling, so I thought I'd share some of my angsty decision making over here.  This is something that is almost constantly on my mind and I go back and forth about it a lot.  I'm not making any final decisions until next year, maybe not even till summer, but the other day I was thinking about it and it came to me that even if Jovi was in public school I wouldn't be giving up the job of making sure she was educated.  It's a job that is mine by divine right and something I don't want to give up.  The decision is more in the nature of who I would be in the educational process.  Am I going to be the teacher or am I going to be the manager of my children's education?  I can see pros and cons to each (which is why I can't decide).

Homeschooling Pros:
Being the teacher allows me to control content and speed of my children's learning.  Everything can be tailored to my children.  We can spend more time on personal interests or areas that need work and go faster through things that aren't as interesting or are easily mastered.  I LOVE that aspect because you certainly don't get personalized curriculum in public school.  We are not tied to a schedule, we can go on field trips and vacations whenever we want.  School doesn't have to stop if my kids get sick.  Hopefully that won't be an issue either way, but if I have sickly children home school will definitely allow for greater continuity.  One of the greatest things I think it can do is create a family culture of learning and togetherness.  There would be a lot less focus on peers and more on family.
Homeschooling Cons:
The biggest one for me is that it is A LOT of work planning and preparing the lessons, making sure we don't leave out some important thing that should be learned.  It also takes a decent amount of money (most people say it is similar to what you spend on activities and fundraisers that come up with public school, but I have no way of personally verifying this) to buy quality curriculum, books and pay for field trips and all the other things you need for school.  Another thing to think about (not sure if it is a true con) is that my children wouldn't share a unifying experience with the vast majority of other American children.  I'm not worried about the "socialization" aspect of homeschooling.  With so many homeschooling co-ops available (we are part of one this year), church, sports and other extra curricular classes there are lots of opportunities for socialization and making friends.

Public School Pros:
Being the manager of my children's education would allow me to focus on helping them excel.  I could do fun after school projects with them without worrying about the basics.  I could help them improve talents and pursue interests that I might not have energy for otherwise.  I could focus on any children still at home instead of focusing on the school age kids.  Once all my kids were in school, I would certainly have more me time and I could possibly get a job or go back to school for a graduate degree.  I think my children would like being surrounded by peers every day (although, depending on the peers, this can be a huge con too).  There is a greater chance for academic awards and recognition in public school but also a greater chance for failure.
Public School Cons:
My children will not get very much personal attention, no child can in a classroom with 20+ kids and one teacher.  They will have to learn to navigate social peer groups who may or may not like them.  This could be a pro, but since social skills are not taught, it is a sink or swim situation and for those kids who sink it can be intensely painful (see below post).  They may be bored, unchallenged or feel unsuccessful, feelings that are much less likely to occur in a one on one tutoring situation.  We will be stuck with a school schedule, waking up when they say, taking vacations when they say, etc.  I will miss my kids, I know we will get used to it, but I don't know that is such a good thing.  Of course, I want my kids to become independent, but I don't feel that being gone for 3/4 of the day in elementary school is an especially good thing. 

Sometimes I feel that I am leaning towards homeschooling and at other times I think that public school would be the best choice for our family.  I just don't know.

Issues

I have issues. I think everyone has issues, some have them under better control than others. I was confronted with one of my issues tonight and I am sure it will come up again and again and I really need to control it or come to terms with it or something, but I don't know how.

I was never well liked as a child. I was blessed with a best friend, someone I grew up with since I was three years old and there were several times that without her I might have been friendless. I was often bullied and made fun of in and out of school.  I admit that this was not only the cruelty of children (although children can be terribly cruel), I was socially awkward and slightly immature. I remember at around twelve years old a specific incident of feeling really hyper and thinking, "Man, I am acting really annoying.", but I felt powerless to control it. It wasn't till late high school that I felt I at least got my annoyingness under control. I still feel socially awkward even now, but I digress.  I remember so many times hearing classmates or teammates (I played soccer up into high school) talking about parties and get togethers that I was never invited to.  They didn't like me.  They didn't want me around when they had an actual choice about it, and I remember feeling so hurt and helpless to change the situation.  Well, I grew up and moved on.  I feel I have some good friends in my life and do my best in new social situations, at least I don't feel I embarrass myself.  I thought I had put the past behind me, but...

A few nights ago, at Jovi's soccer practice some of the moms were talking about a birthday party of one of the teammates that apparently several of the other girls were invited to, but Jovi had not been invited.  Since we moved last year, I have been in a handful of situations where people around me talk about parties of some sort that I or my children were not invited to, but could have been since we knew the person hosting the event.  The slights to me (I'm sure they all were unintentional) were easily forgiven and forgotten, the slights to my children less so, but we are new in the area and a few group play dates doesn't make everyone friends, I understand that.  But that night I had such an intense visceral reaction to realizing the slight to Jovi, it brought back memories from childhood that I thought I had left far behind.  Jovi didn't know about it and probably wouldn't have cared even if she did, but I just wanted to leave that soccer team that obviously didn't appreciate my wonderful daughter and keep her safe and happy from all social slights, current and future.  I actually felt physically sick to my stomach at the thought of what she might have to endure in the future in regards to social situations, friendships and lack of friends.  I have noticed that Jovi is excellent at making friends one on one, but is not so good at getting along with groups.  I know that without my own history, I wouldn't be very worried about this at all, I mean, she IS only 5 and she does have friends. 

This is not a Jovi problem, this is a ME problem and I'm afraid it will only get worse as my children get older.  I thought I had dealt with this, and truly, what happened to me as a child doesn't bother me anymore.  But the thought of watching my children go through something similar... I can barely stand just the thought.  The worst part is that I KNOW that it's going to happen, not the bullying, but the small but hurtful social slights are just part of life.  No one gets invited to everything, no one can be best friends with everyone.  I honestly don't know what to do about it except never act on an emotional reaction, at least not right away.

I love Jack Johnson

When I was in college at BYU-Hawaii Jack Johnson's first album Brushfire Fairytales came out.  They played a lot of the songs on the radio because he is from Hawaii and if you think Texans have Texas pride Hawaiians take it a step further with Hawaiian pride.  And, of course, it was played a lot because his music is just so awesome.  Jack Johnson grew up really close to Laie (where BYUH is located)  My surf instructor's son played in one of Jack Johnson's early bands.  His music sounds like Hawaii to me, relaxed, cool, simple and beautiful.  Man, I miss Hawaii.  Anyway, I bought the album.  I was a fan.  I liked future albums.  Then he wrote and sang the music for the Curious George movie (Sing-A-Longs & Lullabies for the Film Curious George (Jack Johnson)).  I am a big Curious George fan, have been since I was a child and the music was awesome, it catapulted him to my favorite artist ever. 

When I was pregnant with Jovi I found out he was playing a concert in Dallas. While I normally don't want to go to concerts because of the cost, I felt this concert would be totally worth it.  Unfortunately we were unable to get tickets.  I vowed that if he EVER came back to Dallas I WOULD be at that concert so... I found out in May that Jack would be playing at the Superpages Center in Dallas in August.  Now, the Superpages Center in August would have to be my least favorite venue ever, a huge outdoor concert in the worst heat of the summer, yuck!  I would likely turn down free tickets to see anyone else there during the heat of the summer, but it was going to be Jack Johnson playing.  So, I told Juan that I wanted tickets for my birthday, Juan is not such a big fan that he was willing to brave the heat and crowds, but my sisters were happy to go with me.  So, last Tuesday I got to go and see Jack Johnson live.  It was awesome, totally lived up to my expectations.  He played for 2 hours, 2 hours of really great music.  I was totally glad we splurged for covered seating because it rained rather hard for a while before the concert started, I didn't envy the people with lawn seats.  He played some old stuff and some new stuff and had some really great musicians with him that helped make the concert great.  My sisters and I had a really great time.  Here are some pictures and a taste of some Jack Johnson music if you've never heard of him.

In the car, right before we went to the concert.




At the concert


Jack!




NOT from the concert I went to, but close enough :)






SO excited I found this one. Paula Fuga wrote this and they sang it at the concert, love it!






 

Theme Song

When I was a teenage (late teens) I occasionally watched Ally McBeal, not the greatest show, but some really good moments.  So, I remember in one episode that Ally was going to a therapist (don't remember why) and the therapist suggested choosing a theme song for her life.  I don't even remember what song she chose, but the idea of a theme song, one that you want to represent you and be played behind the montage that would play on the opening credits of your life "show" really stuck with me.  What song would I pick?  Why?  Since then I've had several theme songs.  I can't remember the first, it might have been (gasp) depressing, but since then I've worked towards a happier life and feel I have chosen very upbeat songs.  To become a theme song it has to fit where I want my life to go or something I very strongly identify with at the time.  It has to give me chills and be something I can sing to.  I don't always have a theme song, but usually I do.  The first one I remember choosing is:



Then I met Juan and this became my new theme song:


I had a short time period where this was my theme song:


Most recently this has become my theme song, I love it:


Now from this list you might think that I'm a huge Dave Matthews fan, while I do like his music, he just happens to have lyrics and a sound that I apparently identify with (certainly not true of all of his songs).  So do you have a theme song?  Care to share it?

30

I turned the big 3-0 on Saturday.  What does that mean?  I don't know.  Do I feel older?  Not particularly.  Juan is older than me, 6.5 years older than me so everytime I get older I just look at him and feel young.  I know he's been there, done that for a while and he's doing great so I'm sure I'll do great too.  It's a nice security blanket except for the fact that statistically speaking, he will die before me and I will have to live the last years of my life alone. 

Anyway, I remember as a kid my parents saying that as you get older you didn't really feel any different than when you were a kid.  I also remeber totally not believing them.  OF COURSE, you felt older than when you were a kid.  As a parent you were OLD, you had responsibilities, you were DIFFERENT.  Now, as a parent, I totally know what they were talking about.  No matter how old we are we stay pretty much the same.  Sure we grow, hopefully increase in wisdom, certainly we increase in experience, our bodies eventually break down, but who we are, our souls, are ageless.  It really makes me look at people differently than I used to, age is truely just a number, not very important at all.

Achievement

I am no good at starting jobs that feel like they will take forever.  When I clean upstairs i clean every room before I start on Jovi's room because even with her helping it is always the messiest room.  I have had fabric cut out and ready to piece together for a quilt for Jovi for like 3 months because a whole quilt feels like such a big project and I keep putting smaller, "easier" projects in front of it.  And then there was my email inbox.  I started a new email account when I got married 6 1/2 years ago.  I went from RachelHirschy at yahoo to RachelElizabethFlores at yahoo for obvious reasons.  Anyway, I am much more likely to keep emails than throw them away and for the first few years I didn't even think about organizing my inbox and then by the time that I realized it would be very useful to have a lot of folders and an empty inbox it had turned into a job that felt like it would take forever to finish.  I even started organizing it several times throughout the years, but after a few hours I would loose focus or be interrupted.  As of a few days ago I had 1000 unread emails (these were mainly company coupons that I left just in case i might want to use it) and over 6500 emails. I had emails from 2004-2010, from friends, businesses and a whole bunch from my year long stint volunteering for a nonprofit.  After a few days and about six hours I am happy to report that I have an empty inbox and I still kept the important emails in my now fairly comprehensive collection of folders.  It may seem like a small achievement to many people, but it was a big one for me.  With this success I think I'm ready to start that quilt and maybe even tackle Jovi's closet.

Would you rather...

Growing up I loved this children's book; Would You Rather...  Apparently it is not in print anymore, but if your library has it I suggest checking it out.  You get to choose between a bunch of gross options, some scary options and some really cool options.  It was a favorite read aloud at our house and we would all get to say what we would rather doing and why.  Lots of games and new books, some of them VERY adult (too adult for me) are on the market that let you do the same thing, but Juan isn't a fan of choosing between all good or all bad options unless he's forced into it so no games for us and I didn't really even know about the books until I did this search. Anyway, I like would you rather stuff and hope some of you do too.  Here is a little list to think about and my personal answers, please comment if you would choose something different :).

1.Would you rather be blind or deaf?
Deaf, a loss of any sense is hard, but I am SUCH a visual person I think sight would be the hardest sense for me to loose.

2.Would you rather loose and arm or a leg?
A leg because a prosthetic leg is a better replacement that a prosthetic arm.

3. Would you rather be beautiful, but dumb or ugly, but smart?
This depends on degrees for me, as long a your are smart enough to live independently I would choose beautiful, but dumb because I think it offers a greater chance for happiness than ugly but smart.  If you were so disabled you couldn't live independently I'd choose ugly, but smart.

4. Would you rather be more rich or more attractive?
If the "new me" started now I would choose rich because although I am decidedly average looking, Juan likes how I look and money would be more useful.  If I were single I might choose differently.  If this was starting when I was born I would choose more rich because money issues can cause SO much stress in a family, more rich benefits far more people than one person being more attractive. 

5. Would you rather it be winter forever or summer forever? 
I would take a nice northern style or tropical summer forever any day, but I do like changing seasons.  I think I'd choose having a Texas winter over a Texas summer all the time, but I don't know, neither are my ideal weather. 

What are some other good would you rather questions?